Wednesday, August 30, 2006

"Cut here" tabs

Yeah they're worthless. Thank you for that utterly useless piece of informaton without which I wouldn't know where to tear my sachet of anti-dandruff shampoo (yes, I got the 'ruffs) and as a result of which I would be rendered completely helpless. That's not the best part, these new sachets come without the small tear in the edge that help you grip and consequently tear this annoying piece of plastic(?) You'd eventually use the scissors anyway, the only difference is you'd please the pack by tearing right through the dotted line.

Now don't even get me started on that pretentious little dashed line.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

OK, so I'm not blog-cool

Or at least from what I've heard from other people. Bloggers and non-bloggers alike. I don't have "delicious" (or whatever that is) links on my page. Nor do I "digg". I don't have a blogroll. I do have Technorati, though. But I guess it's more than just sidebar links. I don't "link" to other things often. Also, I don't embed Youtube videos often enough.

:\

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Peeping Tom

To paraphrase George Costanza from "The Jacket(?)" episode in Seinfeld, I say this with a unblemished, staunch record of heterosexuality -- Mike Patton's voice is teh sex.

I sampled Peeping Tom -- Patton's long-awaited Pop album. It does not let one down. Patton once again collaborates with Dan "The Automator" Nakamura (they previously worked together on Lovage) of Gorillaz fame and some other notable artists like Norah Jones, Amon Tobin among others.

If you've given Lovage a listen, then this is similar territory, except it's more electronic than lounge. Although there isn't a whole bunch of vocal experimentation -- as we're used to -- from Patton, there's plenty of instrumentation and other intangible nuances on this album. This is how pop should be, or Patton's way of saying "pop sucks". I favour the former. The tracks that stand out for me are the opening track, "5 seconds"; "Mojo", with a very catchy chorus; and "Sucker", the one featuring a foul-mouthed Norah Jones.

Obviously, if you're a Patton fan, you already possess this album or have downloaded it like me. If you haven't, you're wasting your time on my blog.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Sp@mmers

Who are these people? Do you know someone who is a professional spammer? Yeah, it would be convenient to believe that spam is automated, but deep down inside we want to believe that there is a guy sitting behind his desk intently typing out the exact sum that has been transferred to your bank account.

Do these people go through job interviews? What do you think the "career objective" section would say? Make a career out of asking people to refill their cartridges.

And do these organisations have a hierarchy? I mean, do the really good ones get to work the bank frauds? And perhaps the trainee spammers are the ones who are given the Viagra selling section, not to forget telling people that their erections are not big enough. That would at least explain the spelling, or the lack thereof.

And do these people have sales targets to achieve? Are they part of the Union? Do they go out to the bar and down a couple drinks with other spammers at the end of a hard days' spam?

Who are they? Where do they live?? Isn't it time you refilled your cartridge???

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Boo!

New beta Blogger is fluffin' up my layout! Check out the incomplete table on your right. Can't edit HTML either.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Stupid WWE Diva Search

Really. This is like (bad) Reality TV meets boring strippers meets sex-starved couch potato. It is so bad that Youtube does not have viewable clips for me to share with you. To top all that we have the imbecilic twit of a host "Miz" with and his insipid "who rock?" catchphrase. Which brings me to the answer to his question. Actually, Miz, I do not know who rocks. But I sure do know who doesn't.

All these stupid dumb blondes (pardon the generalisation) do is strut their stupid stripper stuff -- badly at that -- and "wohoo" a couple of times and get cheap pops from the audience, who by the way, are either half asleep or have lost half their brain cells during this segment. The rest of said cells die once "Miztake" goes to his catchphrase...

Now excuse me, I left some porn in the microwave.

Sunday, August 20, 2006

The you-should-have-been-there joke

Yep. The one where your friends recount a so-called hilariously funny incident, laugh throughout the narration, and you are left wondering if you should snicker in support or do the fake laugh. Then there's awkward one which is really the funny part for third party observers: all of you stare at each other before the someone admits that "you really should have been there".

Thinking back, it's not really a "joke" now is it?

Friday, August 18, 2006

T3h DVD b0x0rz

Uh, yeah. I finally put my fledgling DVD collection in a box. Now I feel all... collectory. But now I don't know what to do with those 4-5 empty black polythene bags.

Of course, putting them (the DVDs) up on display does have it's cons as well. The first obvious one being free sight and access to picking. "Oh! You got 'insertforeignfilmnamehere' in your collection!" Not that I have sh*tloads of foreign films. In fact, I hardly have sh*tloads of films to begin with. It's just that people look at 'insertforeignfilmnamehere' and go "what language is that?" which is usually followed by a "does it come with subtitles?"

No, I just sit through 2 hours of a movie in a language I have no intention of understanding.

Or the other question would be "you watch these films?" Yes, I watch those films. I'm a that film watcher. In fact, when I die I'd like to be remembered for watching those kind of films.
Then of course there's the inevitable nudity-related question which, admittedly, even I've asked sometimes.

Maybe I should just stick to porn.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Batman Begins vs. Superman Returns

Not sure if this topic has been covered before, but as you may know from the previous post, I just finished watching "Superman Returns" some time back, hence the inevtiable comparison topic.

I'd have to give the nod to "Batman Begins" for being a more complete film. There were a lot of little nuances in the movie and the fact that Nolan covered pretty much everything from Wayne's "fears to Batman's Ninja skills to the Bat Utility Belt. I just didn't like the overdose of "loopy" dialogue.

Although "Superman..." also has it's positives. For example the whole "son" thing wasn't something I expected. And it didn't indulge in extravagant dialogues like "Batman..." did. Which is an irony for me because "Batman Begins" was a more "real" film, while "Superman Returns" deals with, well, super powers.

I've been partial to the Batman faction all these years. Though I've nothing against the Man of Steel, I'm more eagerly awaiting the Batman Sequel (titled "The Dark Knight, or so I heard) more than Superman's.

On a related note, did anyone notice the similarities?

1. Both directed by directors with cult hits to their name. One might argue "The Usual Suspects" wasn't really a cult hit, but then again not many people here have heard of or seen the damn movie!

2. Both have relatively unknown lead actors.

3. Both have leading ladies whose first names are "Kate"... alright fine, it's Katie technically. But indulge me. Both titles are "active" phrases.

That's all I can think of for now. Anyways... um... cool...

Kal El Jr.??!

Seriously. I did not see that coming. I heard people go "nice movie". I heard people go "t3h sux0rz"... alright they didn't say that. I even heard people go "Super-who?". No one, not even die-hard Superman fans told me he had/has a son in the movie. My only question is, aren't Lois and Clark/Superman s'posed to be having Super-sex at some point of time to concieve a Super-baby? Or have I missed out on something. I've heard and read the theory of Clark and Lois having a thing (back in the original Superman 2) and therefore having made Super-love. But my personal conspiracy theory is this, and I don't care if Superman fans are offended: Superman "popped" in and out at the speed of light, before Lois could even have a Super-orgasm.

Oh and Kevin Spacey=t3h pwn~

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Heroes in a half-shell

Turtle Power!



w00t!

Sunday, August 13, 2006

"I'm an excellent driver"

OK. I should technically paraphrase it to "rider" because I was riding my bike when this curious incident happened; near fatal, if one were to put a more serious twist to it. (Read on)

So I was on my bike, on my way to work. Everything's hunky dory so far -- fuel in my tank, song in my head, not so busy day ahead. As I was motoring along at this particularly vehicle-infested road called Casa Major, two bikes in front of me parted like the sea in front of Moses. And I heard another behind me screech to a halt. At this point I didn't have much of an idea what was happening, when suddenly this pretty big mass of black -- with a hint of feathers around it -- plummeted towards me. I tried to veer away, but for whatever reason its trajectory matched my path. As it was inches away from me, I realised it was a crow.

Yes, a crow.

Actually, I can't prove it was a crow. In fact I'm not so sure if it was a "crow" in the first place. As you probably guessed, it crashed into me. Somewhere between my neck and my chest. I swerved and I swayed. My hands were off the handlebar, flailing in the air. Meanwhile, this "bird", stuck to my chest, fluttered away. I nearly crashed into a cyclist and almost veered myself into the hard, not so even, concrete below. After what seemed like an eternity, the "bird" slid off my chest. I barely regained control that I lost. All the motorists around me stared back at me -- in awe I would presume. To top it all of it was Tuesday -- a day I consider terribly unlucky (or should I consider myself lucky this time?) No injuries though, but my neck felt like, well, like a big bird fell on it. And no, I did not stop to check on myself or the bird.

Now, back to my knitting.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

You will leave in -1 seconds...

I was just checking the stats for this here blog. The average time an outside visitor stays in this here blog is: 0. So by the time you read this, you're already at your next blog. Which is a paradox(?) because you won't really read it because you left. But you are reading this, then you haven't left but you're a 0 (or were one) nonetheless.

Gravy.

Bring on the "marketing" tools I say!

Are wrestling fans in India dumb?

Or do our famed local sports networks make us to be. Seriously, ESPN/Star/Star World's coverage of TNA's shows is absolutely appalling. The chronology if the shows is messed and even moreso the commentary. I sent out an e-mail to the so called programming guys -- yes, through the default e-mail address mentioned in the show -- and discussed said issues but no reply yet, as predicted.

That annoying commentator who keeps saying "munna" every second sentence as if he was a thug yesterday in the mean streets of aamchi Mumbai needs to watch MORE wrestling in order to be a WRESTLING COMMENTATOR. A smoothly executed Butterfly Suplex is NOT an "overhead slam". Nincompoops. Yeah, I'm a wrestling geek who watches "WW" on TV all the time. And no, it's not "fake".

Idiots.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

One of the bestest I've viddied

Yep. To those who don't know yet, I'm talking about Stanely Kubrick's "Clockwork Orange". I can see why it's on many people's favourite list. Maybe it will even get on to mine. The dialogue, the direction, partially the acting. And who can forget the milk bar. Off for some ultra-violence now.

Monday, August 07, 2006

I wish I could make...

A romantic comedy, where the protagonists don't share a love-hate/hate-hate relationship.
A thriller where the obvious suspect is actually the killer for logical reasons.
A horror film where the "ghost" is completely dead. Every ectoplasmic molecule of it.
An action movie where the only fight is a battle of wits.
A children's film where the villians still hate the kid at the end of the movie.
A porn film with a plot and no money shot.
A buddy movie where two friends eventually end up at each other's throats.
And a documentary based on a not-so-true story.

Sunday, August 06, 2006

Going to the movies is fun

That is if you end up going. So all my so-called "friends" have all watched "Pirates...". Yeah, yeah, Johnny Depp=too cool man and all of that. Hey I was Johnny Depp cool even before you knew he liked France and that he was the guy in that video, OK? (Read on)


Being an astonishingly irritating Saturday afternoon, I sort of convinced my friends -- the remaining few -- to drag themselves to a swashbuckling pirates sequel. And agree they did. It takes a lot to woo my friends away from booze, it does.

So we get on to the net, find out what shows are running.

4.40 PM
Evening show: a few available in the spinal distrophy section of theaters.
Night show: plenty.

Yeah, we're lazy. So we go back to work, which isn't really work on Saturday.

5.15 PM
Evening show: booked, of course.
Night show: Plenty still, but getting close to the first few rows.

7.25 PM
Get the credit cards out, let's book us some tickets, mateys! Arrr! Of course, we didn't have credit cards. We know the net booking service doesn't accept debit cards, nor does the ticket counter. But boredom makes you do weird things. So I fish out my card, type in the fancy numbers and voila! Page freezes!
Amidst unstable software, hope arises. Maybe Mozilla knows that we somehow scammed the net into booking tickets through a credit card! Aha.

Prepare to board!

For luck, my friend fishes out his card. More numbers. Clicky clicky. Error messages, a headache, pounding veins and a friend fresh out of an epiphany meant that it was all too late. The plank for ye, matey. Depp's gonna have to just wait.


Saturday, August 05, 2006

The back-to-normal entry

I am at home, my blog is open in the other window. Heaven.

Didn't ever think I'd be typing those words. To commemorate this occassion, I will be typing more incomprehensible babble that the dozens, ok, tens... fine, the two of you have come to adore. Here goes - (&)@)@_%*R@_%(8(280&25295061!!~

Friday, August 04, 2006

Strange...

Blogspot blogs open fine here (at office).

Anyways, thought I'd flaunt my first credit card (debit card, actually) purchase.
Funny, how all my life I thought a card would never change the way I look at money. It already has. I splurged my second "salary" on a CD and and clothing -- a lot for someone like me. Not that I'm stingy, I'm just not "splurgy".

NOW Blospot's blocked

For the last few days that I have been following certain blogs, people complained about being denied access to their favourite blogspot (yummy!) blogs. I was able to access them just fine. But now everything is "blocked"... I think. Strange. The (blog) universe is trying to tell me something.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Blog entry for the day: I'm stuck already

One one hand, I'm trying to be all systematic and diligent and make one entry a day. On the other hand, I have my phallus. Seriously though, on the other hand, I thought "if I'm not interesting enough, people won't read s*it!"

So, here I am, naked already without that idea of mine. Sure is breezy today. That phallus is getting smaller and smaller. So I tell myself "man, you're hardly into your third post EVER and here you are... nekked!" I need to spend some time with some crazy people. Um... ok... not "crazy". Maybe verbally challenged... ah fook it! I need some retards to make me look smart. But not like Rainman retard - that's just counter-productive. I don't need some guy telling me "82, 82, 82... 246 words in your post". I have enough IIT-caliber cousins to make me look stupid.

All of us have one cousin, that one guy (or girl) who speaks Mathematics. Whose myopia is suprisingly far worse than yours. Who willingly wears large, chequered clothing. The one who "likes Tendulkar and Ganglee (sic)". He who knows all the authors of all the reference books and guides that you have lying around. The one that embarrasses you by asking you "which tuition you go to" and gives tips on how to crack the TNPCMIFNS exams. Hey don't get me wrong. I'm not claiming to be "cool" because I don't study, I just feel a little uncomfortable when I see someone who enjoys "getting marks".

Anyway, I just thought I'd at least ramble and take your attention off this apparent lack of creative writing this blog is suffering from.

Yeah, you just wasted two more minutes.

Bah Gawd! He's busted wide open!

Yep, I'm in. And yes, I'm looking for porn in the other window. No, I haven't really figured out this "feed" business. Yes, I'm wondering how much money I'd make in Ad Sense. No, I'm straight. Yep, this was a welcome post, and yes, this was a waste of time (some would say). No, I don't know if the full stop/period comes before or after the brackets/parenthesis. Yes, I'm pret-ty bad at this.